Wait a minute mister postman

Sophia Claire Groomes esquire has defied the odds and arrived not just on time but early. I can now say unbiasedly that with my superior dna we have produced the most perfect baby ever birthed. We are still working on the sleeping and eating but she has the crying down to an art. If I could just get about six hours more sleep a night then everything would be going tremendously.

Sorry this entry is so short but I have lubrication duties to attend to.

Put me in coach, I'm ready to play

We are less than 23 hours away from the start of the Bobby Petrino era. Excitement is in the air. Apparently my wife is so excited she can't sleep. She must be nervous because she goes to the bathroom about every half hour.

Life has been very hectic for the three of us lately (Me and Lindsey and the baby in her belly). As most of you know I have started a new job. I am currently training to become the Plant Manager and later the CEO. Things are going suprisingly slow.

In case you missed the banner at the top of the page we are only 4.5 weeks away from the arrival of what could possibly be the most spoiled child ever. Lindsey had her shower a couple of weeks ago. We got a lot of awesome baby stuff. No one picked out the Playstation 3 games that Lindsey registered for?

Monday is Labor day. Odd way to salute all the pregnant women in America but whatever. I get the day off and it is an excuse to eat 10 pounds of grilled meat, which should happen during all holidays. Anyone interested in grilling a Yom Kippur brisket let me know.

Oh yeah.......WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PIG SOIEEEEEEEEEEEE

HEY YOU GUYS

I'm gonna turn it on. I'm gonna bring you the power. I'm gonna light up the dark of night like the brightest day in a whole new way. I'm gonna turn it on and bring you the power. It’s coming down the lines, strong as they can be. Through the courtesy of The Electric Company.

If you haven't noticed how much more efficient you're electricity is being produced you should take notes. I am officially a member of the energy producing conglomerate known as "Entergy." Please take this message as a friendly reminder to pay your bills on time. If by chance you haven't paid your bill yet this month I will personally bring my hot stick down and shut it off free of charge. Time is money. I can't be expected to keep the pace up with you slacking on your responsibilities....nay your duty as an American of paying your electric bill. Shame on you!!!

Tomorrow is the 4-D Ultrasound. I have never heard of 4-D. I knew there was 3-D movies such as Jaws and Moonwalker, so I took out my trusty dictionary and looked it up. The official definition for a 4-D Ultrasound is :"Another way to stick it to an unsuspecting ignorant expecting slack jawed yokel father." I didn't really know how to take this expression. Was this calling me a slack jawed yokel? How dare they. What if they are referring to the lovely and talented daughter? She isn't even born yet you bunch of jerks. Could they possibly be referring to my mother-in-law? Mr. Webster You Are A Rotten Son Of A....... actually that is pretty funny. Oh Mr. Webster you are quite the uproarious one.

Breaks over, back on your heads. (If you don't get it I will explain it to you later.)

I don't eat nothing but bear cat stew

You can call me Alley Oop if you wish. I may just knuckle your head before you can count to four. Sometimes I wish I were a caveman. Back in the caveman days there was no shopping for nursing bras. Nobody told Alley Oop that he had to paint a nursery.

Just be a man in a cave with a club so when my old lady started giving me what for I could club her over the head and drag her away by the hair. Ahhhhhhhh the good old days.

I should be set after this weekend for the year on reunions in case any of you were curious. Saturday is my mother's side and Sunday is Lindsey's dad's side. Trust me when I tell you that a good time will be had by all.

OH BOY

It's a girl. Maybe, the ultrasound lady said it was a girl.

Sophia Claire

I can't tell for sure but I have a sneaking suspicion that she is going to be daddy's little angel.

The air is so heavy and dry

It is going to be a cruel summer even by Bananarama standards. Calm down I am going to be ok. Lindsey might have some discomfort during the hot months but she is pregnant and gets enough attention anyway.

Tomorrow is the 24 week appointment. It will also be the visit that we will learn the gender of the baby......if the baby is laying in the correct position. If this baby is anything like it's mother then it will not have a bit of a problem flashing it's private parts at a camera. Enough about our honeymoon.

This weekend we had a large six family yard sale. I don't normally shop at yard sales. I have enough of my own junk without having to raid other peoples private stashes. Therefore I have a lot of questions concerning the thought process of certain shoppers. Maybe not questions as much as comments. Since I am always professional and courteous I will put these concerns in bullet form in no particular order.

• Why do you think it is necessary to ask someone the price on every item in the yard sale. Normally people don't set around putting a piece of tape on clothes with $0.25 written on it for fun. Last time I drove north on state highway 7 above Russellville, Booger Hollow was closed. Finding a tshirt from there should be considered a bargain.
• If you ask me how much for a beatles cd and I say fifty cents it is fifty cents. Yes I know it is a double cd set and one of the cds is missing. If I had both cds I would sale it for $1 or I may even keep it.
• The Playstation 2 works. I am not at this yard sale to trade goods and services. If you want an item then buy it. I don't want to trade you a Playstation 2 for two used 4 wheeler tires. Seriously.
• NO DAVE THE WEED EATER THAT IS PRICED FOR $2 PROBABLY DOESN'T WORK. THAT IS WHY IT IS $2.
• The flat bottom boat is not for sale. If it was for sale it would be setting here with the rest of this stuff.
• People actually purchase used underwear. I don't really think I can add anything to that.
• I wear a size 13 shoe. I don't have any men's dress shoes in a size 11. I am not sorry that I don't have a size 11. This isn't the foot locker.
• No understanda mexicana.

Needless to say the local SOS chapter is going to get a rather large donation this week.

I have a drug test tomorrow and haven't started studying so I am going to go do that.

Rocky Mountain High

Colorado.........John Denver seemed to enjoy it so I guess I will too. Next week I will be there for five days so if you run across me after that and I break out in a folk song you will know why. Feel free to sing along. Maybe we can rock out to a little Peter Paul and Mary's "where have all the flowers gone" make some turquoise jewelry and not take a bath or wear deodorant. Sounds like I am in for a fun week.

Last week Lindsey went back for a check up. The Doctor said all looked well and we will get to find out the gender next visit. Next visit will be June 12th. I didn't get to go with her last week because I was in Baltimore. I wanted to visit Edgar Allen Poe's grave but didn't make it because I was to busy dodging pigeons and homeless people. Baltimore was a nice city with lots to do and see. I ate a lot of crab cakes. They were delicious. The hotel we stayed at was used in the filming of the movie "National Treasure." Nicolas Cage was nowhere in site. I kept calling the front desk and asking for his room but they would just disconnect me.

Seattle was a good city and so was Chicago. I basically judge cities criteria on food. If they have good food then I like it. Believe it or not the best wienerschnitzel I have ever eaten was in Terre Haute. Of course the only other time that I ate wienerschnitzel was out of the back of an old man's truck in Regional Park in Pine Bluff. You know that may not have been the wisest culinary choice I have ever made. It did taste better than menudo, the soup not the group of young Hispanic boys.

I better sign off, this entry is starting to make me sound like Steve Martone.